


if you go, if you leave

by heolaman



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, mention of MPREG
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-25 22:37:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17130020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heolaman/pseuds/heolaman
Summary: jongdae is, and always be sehun's number one fan.





	if you go, if you leave

**Author's Note:**

> unchecked. i'm sorry that it was rushed.

  
  


For Sehun, training everyday is tiring but fun. It’s rare to finish training early and when it does, there’s probably a big news. It can be good or bad.

 

Huddled up on the floor, their manager-hyung appeared a little too uneasy in front of them. “Okay.  _ President  _ gave the news that all of you are going to debut soon because you all worked hard for the past three years. we’re just arranging the dates for everything” he says with a blank expression on his face and the six of them - including Sehun - didnt know how and what to react first.

 

“Is that for … real??” Chanyeol almost ate his words. “are we really?”

“you guys should loosen up okay? I’m not joking!”

 

sehun couldnt believed it. the boys were in an uproar, hugging and congratulating each other for doing a job well done in impressing the president. as celebration, their manager ordered four boxes of pizza and three boxes of chicken for them to feast on.

 

“hey, se.” baekhyun nudges his side. chanyeol, an ovesized puppy, is resting his whole weight on him who’s smaller to compare. “who are you texting?”

sehun smiles softly, so loving and gentle. he hits send before answering the older. “jongdae.”

“oh oh oh.. lover boy is texting his  _ mi amor~”  _  he teases and sehun shrugs him.

“he needs to know the good news, too, right?’

junmyeon joins in their conversation as he sat down beside sehun. “my cousin sleeps early - i think you should give him a ring if you want to talk to him.”

 

sehun scrambled on his place to stand. he almost forgot that.

“hey! why are you being private?” junmyeon shouts at him when he made a run to the fire exit.

“i can't hear him with you guys being around. you’re to loud.” he retorts.

 

when he finally have the silence, he felt lucky when jongdae picks up his call.

“Seeehuuunnn-aahhhh!!” jongdae shouts over the phone. he has this cute habit of shouting sehun’s name cutely. Sehun’s used to it.

“Are you free tonight? I’ll treat you ice cream” sehun invites

 

_ “Ice cream? I’m already eating one right now.” _

  
  


“Just go to the park near your house. This invitation is a rare opportunity. I’m hanging up.”

_ “Hey! Wait!” _

 

Before he continues shouting again, Sehun ruthlessly pressed the end call button. and grinned to himself

If jongdae’s habit is shouting at someone over the phone, Sehun’s habit is a bit rude - hanging up while someone was still talking over the phone.

 

Afte the phone call, sehun told their manager hyung that he’ll go and meet a friend. Since they dont have anything to do anymore, he got his permission.

 

Reaching the place they are supposed to meet took less effort because sehun used his bike

  
  


Jongdae is still not at the park when Sehun arrived. Arriving first gives him the right to tease jongdae about his short legs. He can imagine him whining how mean that was but it’s partly true though. Jong dae have short legs.

 

“Sehun-ah!”

 

Jongdae arrives with his PJs on. It was kind of adorable to see him wave his arm excitedly at him. His hair looks like a mess, though. Sehun shakes his head because he couldnt fathom if he would nag at him for not arranging himself or laugh and tease Jongdae about his appearance.

 

he’s really set to sleep.

 

When Jongdae reaches him, the shorter gave him a jab on the chest. “that’s for hanging up on me”

 

Sehun reaches for the latter’s nose and pinched it “this is for making me wait. for making my ears hurt with your shouting.”  _ and for being adorable. _ “your nose is flaring. Are you a dragon or something?” he teases

Annoyed and pained, jongdae swats sehun’s hand and frowned as he carefully tried to reshaped his reddened nose. “not in the nose! How many times do i have to tell you -”

 

“Hey, is that … bubbletea you’re holding?” sehun sounded fanscinated, and well, excited. Jongdae puts up the plastic he’s holding proudly.

“this one is your fave!”

 

sehun likes it simple when it comes on spending time wwith jongdae. seating in the swings side by side, feeling the cold breeze of the night and enjoying the silence of the night - well, technically, it isnt quiet because jongdae is very distracting with the way he makes noise while drinking his bubbletea. “this is really good.” he mumbles as he chews on the pearls he got. “You finished your training early.”

 

jongdae was surprised when he sees sehun looking at him already and instantly felt shy.

 

he can’t blame sehun since the lad likes looking at him. the taller nods at him as an answer to his question.

 

“Then you should rest at home! Not here.”

 

it was quiet again and sehun took his time to intently watch jongdae play with the swings. “do you want me to push you?”

“no.” came the reply. “the last time you did, i ended up on the ground.”

 

sehun chuckles, and then took a deep breath. “I got the news, jongdae.” he says.

 

jongdae abruptly stopped swinging and then gasped loudly. “you’re debuting?”

“yeah.”

“that’s amazing, sehun-ah!” jongdae exclaime, standing up from the swings to hug sehun tightly. “i knew you’d do well! you’re amazing! you’re one step close to your dream! congratulations!”

 

they dont usually engage into skinships. it normally happens when they’re too excited to think and when they realize they’re too close, it becomes stiffy and awkward.

 

jongdae was the first to realize since he smelled something sweet and lemony again. it's sehun’s trademark scent. “you smell like albatross.” he comments, slowly distancing himself. but failed because sehun didnt let. he caged jongdae tightly again in his arms, burying his face on the latter's shoulder. 

"thank you, jongdae -"

"why are you thanking me? it's your hard work alone."

 

the embrace got tighter. how sehun wishes jongdae knows he had done a lot for him for the past years. 

 

"but.. debuting means.. you dont... own your time anymore? right?"

 

_ it meant they cant see each other that often. they can't do the things they usually do together, _

 

"why? would you miss me?"

 

jongdae pushes him away on his chest but sehun still holds him close by his waist. "wow. you're really that conceited?"

 

"i'll take my chances." sehun grins. 

 

"you got this big bags under your eyes." jongdae sighed, touching the said eyebags he's worrying on. 

 

"because i'm working."

“It’s o _ ver _ working, sehun.”

“hey..”

jongdae sighed deeper. “You know, i'm really happy that you are debuting."

 

"i know you are."

"but at the same time, i'm worried. would you have the time to rest? would you eat on time? wouldnt it be taxing?"

 

"stop worrying." sehun hugs him again. "tell me something else. let's not think about that."

he could feel jongdae's hand clutching on his chest. "i'm so happy i think my chest is hurting."

 

_ that's cute. _ sehun thought.

 

"i can imagine you being someone that many looks up too, not because you're just an idol  but because you influence people on doing what it right. i would love to see you help lots f people, sehun-ah."

 

seeing jongdae with that smile made sehun's heart ache, in a good way too. of all the people, hit was jongdae who he shared his dreams. jongdae's words made sehun realize that he's not wrong on liking jongdae. he's not wrong on imagining  jongdae to be with him in the future.

he wants to share everything with him

 

"you know it's creepy when you smile so smugly." he pinches sehun's cheeks, laughing. "by the way, i also have news for you!"

 

jongdae pulls him to sit at the bench and pulled a piece of paper from his pockets. he motioned sehun to look at it. 

 

"the scholarship to cambridge? i passed!" jongdae was ecstatic but he can see sehun doesnt look that happy. "sehun?"

  
  


_ cambridge _ meant that jongdae wouldnt be where he is. he's going to be far. 

 

"that's... amazing.." he mumbless, trying to be as much enthusiastic as possible but he forgot that out of all the people, jongdae knows him well. 

"you dont sound amazed at all." the smaller pouted.

 

sehun couldnt think of anything to say and fell silent again. they stayed not talking to each other for minutes, communicating with sighs. 

he couldnt imagine jongdae leaving. he wasnt particularly ready for that. 

 

thinking about the future makes hims sad and confused. sehun knows he could bare not seeing him for days but for years? that's crazy. 

 

"i really am happy, for you." sehun finally found his voice. 

"i know you are... but.."

the taller decided to hold jongdae's hands. "i think i'm the one who'll be missing you."

"stop taking my feelings lightly, mister." jongdae says, pissed. "havent it crossed your mind that i'll be missing you too?"

 

***

  
  


Sehun talks less. If he talks, it would be something minimal. He’s such a mysterious person. He never joined his classmates having fun on arcades. He likes staying up in the rooftop. Sleeping or reading a book.

Jongdae couldnt understand how Oh Sehun can easily charm anyone in their school despite of his lazy, aloof attitude and believe him or not, he didn’t intend to befriend him since they are worlds apart.

 

The friendship just happened.

Jongdae learned that Sehun, was no ice prince. He’s just a guy who's careful with his actions. He's not allergic to smiling like most of the people in their school talks about. he smiles a lot, actually. blame it on the memes. 

Sehun is much of a talker, too. Especially if it something that puzzles him or amazes him.

 

jongdae learned all of those one normal Friday afternoon. He was assigned to clean the shelves of their class room later that afternoon.

Since he doesn’t want to got home late, jongdae decided to spend his lunch time to do the cleaning.

he started wiping the dust off the shelf. While doing his own thing, he heard the sliding door of the room opened.

 

jongdae's heart raced the moment he sees oh sehun standing by the door, looking at him. it was something that never happened in his entire life before..

  
  


“Where are the others?” he asked coldly.

 

“T-they are eating… It's lunch time and they probably wouldn't be back since we have an extra period after." jongdae extremely felt embarrassed. he was barely composed and felt really uneasy with the way oh sehun stares at him. 

 

“Ah. Really?” his voice made jongdae's heart react so wildly and jongdae could only answer with a nod. he heard him place his bag on his chair. “you okay? Are you having difficulties in breathing?”

jongdae fell and lost his balance when he sees sehun sitting beside him already, looking at him intently again.“Aww. That hurts.” I cried.

  
  


sehun reaches his hand to him as if he's trying to give something. 

"what's that?" jongdae asks suspiciously. 

"you wouldn't know if you wouldnt accept it." 

 

jongdae carefully cupped his hands to accept whatever sehun's giving him. for a brief moment, their hands touched and it was something that spark something between them.

 

His hands were warm and big and jongdae isn't sure whether he likes it or not. it’s a strong feeling, though.

He smiled at him and when jongdae looks at what he has given, he screamed so hard for seeing a cockroach on his hand. sehun enjoyed his reaction -  laughing his heart out, almost tearing up.

 

"Oh Sehun!" jongdae shouts, louder than earlier. he threw the fake cockroach back at sehun and crossed his arms. 

 

"sorry." sehun managed to speak as he tried to stop himself from laughing. "oh my god. that was really funny."

"funny?? you almost gave me a heart attack to dumbass!"

 

"well, you're alive," sehun grins. "sorry. i know i shouldnt have done that but it's funny."

 

jongdae softened up when he sees sehun smiling. his smile is rare, and beautiful. he was intrance for a moment and was pulled back to his senses when sehun handed him a lollipop. 

"for pulling a prank on you." he paused. "what's your name again?"

"and you dare pull a prank on me?? how rude of you!"

"just for laughs doesnt ask for their victims' names right?" sehun reasons out and jongdae had a hard time agreeing on him. "why are you here alone, nameless classmate."

 

"it's jongdae! kim jongdae."

 

"your name sounds funny."

"i'm going to kick you, for real." jongdae threatens but sehun just shrugged. "i'm incharge of the cleaning duty."

"you could do that later?"

"i dont want to go home late."

 

sehun nodded at him. "i dont remember my cleaning schedule."

"are you serious? you're around during homeroom! how come you dont know??"

 

sehun thought hard. "i dont know... i must be sleeping during homeroom?"

"you're impossible." jongdae tells him, giving him an eyeroll. he got tongue tied when he noticed sehun inching closely to him. 

 

"kim jongdae."

"do you really have to call me by my full name?"  _ hold up.  _ he didnt mention his surname, does he?”

Instead of answering, he smiled, thin lips curling upwards. “This is the first time.” He said.

“First time?”

“First time we talked. It feels weird, somehow.”

“Yeah. Its weird. The Oh Sehun I know is not a prankster. You emit that ‘leave-me-alone and go-away’ aura everytime I look at you. And you talk less. You are such a mystery.” jongdae says.

sehun scratches his head and by the look in his face, he didn’t seem to get my point.

“Why always like that?”he asked. “They always see me as a cold guy.”

“because that's what you show them. but i guess they would really be amused to see that playful side of yours? but please, no more cockroach prank.”

the both smiled at each other. then the next day, they became friends. Weeks later after hanging out with jongdae, sehun became friends with everyone in their class so easily.

 

Everyone was delighted to see sehun so lively. many saw the change.

jongdae thinks maybe oh sehun was just shy to express himself

all he needs is a little push. 

 

  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was December and everyone is preparing for the christmas party in their school. Sehun was nowhere to be seen that morning and everyone was looking for him, including jongdae. he never arrives late and when he's about to, he'll notify them.

"jongdae! have you seen sehun?" one of their classmates asked.

"i dont know. i havent seen him since this morning."

"could you call him? he doesnt answer our calls."

 

_ calling _ him? that's impossible. jongdae doesnt have his cell number. they usually talk using their housephone and they never really exchanged numbers even though they've been hanging out for months now. "i dont know his number -"

"You serious?"

 

jongdae nods. 

"you looked so close how come you dont have each other's number saved? i'll send it to you, okay."

  
  


when jongdae recieved sehun's contact, his hand turned cold. he went out of their room because it was kind of noisy, too. jongdae was nervous as he waits for sehun to pick up. 

 

_ "jongdae-ya, why?" _

 

jongdae eyes turned big with surprise upong hearing the taller call his name. he starts panicking, but above all, how in the world does sehun know it's him who's calling. 

_ "jongdae! are you still there?" _

 

“W-where are you? Everyone is looking for you.” jongdae asked, almost choking with his own spit.

_ “Somewhere near.” _

“Do you have any plans of attending the party?” 

_ “Yeah. Can you tell Injun that something happened at home that's why i'm late." _

jongdae suddenly became worried.  _ Is he okay? What’s his problem? _ he knows he shouldnt be sticking his nose to other people's busines but he couldnt help it. 

_ “I can see you now. I’m hanging up.” _

Before jongdae could say a thing, sehun already hang up.

“I’m not yet done talking, Oh Sehun! It’s rude! You are rude!” he shouted over the phone. Annoyed that he looked stupid arguing with his phone, he decided to go back to inside the room

 

he was startled to see sehun standing behind him, with a noticeable bruise on his left cheek.

“Boo” he said, expressionless, trying to surprise him. “Am I really rude?”

“You.. Are y-you alright” jongdae worriedly asks him, still looking at the bruise he got. it looks new and…  _ bad.  _

  
  


sehun was odd because he’s very evasive when jongdae tried to check his bruise. he immediately step back and dodge the latter’s hand. “I’m fine.”

 

that’s what sehun tild him but  jongdae couldnt stop thinking about his bruise. he decided to go up the rooftop and breathe a little bit of fresh air. 

he's bothered easily when sehun is concerned. 

 

_ “So this is where I can find you.” _

jongdae didnt felt the need to look at the person who arrived. That voice is no doubt owned by the person he’s thinking about.

 

When sehun reaches his place, he stood by him closely. sehun was looking at him closely, and then chuckled probably because jongdae’s sulking. 

 

“i’ve got bribes.” sehun sang,  showing jongdae the meat buns and banana milk he got. “i’ll only give you if you stop pouting like psyduck - that reminds me. why is psyduck read as  _ sai-duck  _  and not pi-si-duck? I think that’s cute.”

 

“sehun, the  _ psy  _ on psyduck’s name is connected to the word psychic, okay? you dont read psychology as pi-si-chology right?”

“but why is he a water type pokemon when he has this useful ability  to  releases tension in the form of strong psychic powers?”

“i dont know?” jongdae answers, annoyed. “maybe because he’s a duck? and ducks are water animals!”

“isnt he some kind of a bipedal platypus?”

 

“sehun, i’m not a pokedex.” jongdae sighed exasperatedly and sehun knew he should stop confusing jongdae with questions since he’s a little bit off the weather.

 

there’s a loud sigh that came out from the both of them. sehun, then started to eat the meatbun.

 

jongdae scowls at him. he’s unbelievable. doesnt he feel that it’s his fault why he’s cranky? he wants sehun to tell him what’s wrong. 

 

indeed, he’s getting greedy.

  
  


“The bruise.” sehun mumbles, after finishing his meat bun. “My dad.. sort of gave it? well, it’s my fault to begin with...”

“w-why would your dad do that? ” jongdae asks “did you get into a fight with him?”

  
  


sehun nodded and jongdae could feel how heavy it is for the taller. “I got accepted as a trainee at SM Entertainment and he was so against it. He told me that i should focus on getting into a nice university and do the things he and mom did - this is actually the first time i talked back to my parents and I feel really bad. I feel so sorry but… O dont want to do what they did. it’s not… it’s not what I want to do.”

 

jongdae listened carefully and wholeheartedly. he sort of felt happy that sehun’s comfortable to tell him what happened. 

“Dad told me” sehun continues. “ _Sehun-ah._ _You should not waste your time following that childish dream. Education is what you need. it’s essential. What if you debuted, then flunk? what will happen to you? You wont benefit in the future”_ he laughed after imitating his father. “Dad would always tell me be responsible for my decisions. Am I being irresponsible”

He looked at jongdae with such sad eyes. it’s not the sehun he knows.

 

“i guess your father… really cares for your future?” jongdae replies. “but let’s say no one’s directing you what to do - after highschool, what do you want to do?”

  
  


“be trained, i guess. I want to perform in front of many people.” He said, giving out a big sigh. “i want to do something i love?”

“but it’s not only performing, sehun. there’s a lot more that you have to sacrifice just to be an idol.”

 

Sehun breathe a exhausted sigh. 

“Sehun-ah. I—“ before continuing what jongdae wanted to say, he suddenly felt sehun, rested his head in my shoulders.

 

it felt weird, warm and wet. Then the next thing jongdae knew, he’s hearing sniffs. 

 

“Don’t look at me.” He said hastily. jongdae did what he’s told but he gave sehun’s head gentle taps. 

 

“I’m sure one day, your father will understand..” he conforted his crying friend.

“Understand what?”

 

“The things you want to achieve the most. I’m sure you can move his heart if you showed him your dedication. But you should make him see that you’ll succeed. And you’ll never let your career flunk.”

 

the both of them settled with silence again. it’s getting colder and jongdae’s starting to shiver.

  
  


“I’ll pursue it. I’ll pursue my dream. You-“ sehun held jongdae on his shoulder so he could face him.“ know things other people doesnt know. you have to promise me, you’ll be there all the way until i become who i want to be. you have to be by my side.” He continued.

jongdae shakes  my head. “Not for now. I can’t.”

“why not? look, i’m giving you a chance to be my number one fan.” sehun smirks. he’s back on being so full of himself again in a very entertaning way.

“what I’m trying to say here is that I wont be staying by your side all the time. I’ll be at your back sometimes...” jongdae explained.

“At my back?”

 

_ “I’ll be at your back. So that I can push you forward if you’re starting to give up.” _

  
  


jongdae thinks being someone sehun confides to is amazing and will always be his most treasured memory. he gets to see the real oh sehun. 

 

he doesnt know when he started treasuring oh sehun in his life and he’s afraid of the blossoming feelings he has for him because everyday, it gets deeper and deeper. he wanted to confess but he’s scared of the outcomes of it.

 

for now, jongdae’s okay with being his friend. 

  
  


***

 

sehun had an internal conflict as he lays in bed after jongdae told him his plan about going to cambridge. he could take the exam, be a scholar too and be with jongdae?

 

why does he have to feel the need to choose between his dream and the only person he loved romantically? sehun feels that the universe is trying to screw him. 

 

time passed by quickly and the news of sm entertainment’s new boy group circulated in naver. there are mixed reactions given to this news but sehun could care less. he and jongdae doesnt had the time to meet and the both of them settle with brief calls and text messages. sehun feels alienated with the new set up. 

 

he would even sneak after their practice to call jongdae every night since the latter was busy arranging his documents for cambridge.

 

_ “three more days, sehun-ah! three more days and your group will debut already!” _ jongdae exclaimed energetically over the phone.  _ “arent’t you busy? junmyeon hyung told me that the managers aren’t giving you the time to slack.” _

 

jongdae should never know he’s being a headache, ditching practice for few minutes just to hear his voice. “we just finished.”

 

“ _ ohhh.” _

 

“we’ll be busy starting tomorrow and.. i don’t think i could still call you like this.”

 

_ “that can’t be help.”  _  jongdae sighed. “ _ you’re free now right? let’s celebrate for your debut in advance! my treat!” _

 

sehun didnt think twice on going and he’s lucky his hyungs vouched for him when the manager asked where would he go.

 

“that’s jongdae, right?” chanyeol almost gave sehun a heart attack when he approached sehun. “meeting him these days must be hard, man.”

 

sehun could only nod. he gets envious with chanyeol because baekhyun’s just an arm reach, and that’s literally. they dont have any problems going out. they’re always on each other’s hair. 

  
  


“we’re kinda worried about you, actually. you havent told him, right?”

“told him what?”

“that you like him!” chanyeol replied, a little bit too loud. “we know you like him, okay?”

“i thought i was being discreet.”

“dude, you’re not.” the older laughed at him. “do you have any plans on telling him?”

 

on his way to the same park they usually meet and hang out, sehun thought if he’s gonna confess to jongdae. he’s been holding on to his feelings for him for so long and had prepared a gift for him but didnt have the courage to give it.

 

would it be okay? would he like the idea? what if he gets rejected?

 

“what are you thinking about?” 

 

sehun looks behind him and sees jongdae with a box in his arms. he was holding a black plastic bag in his hand. it’s probably the spicy rice cakes sehun really likes. 

 

“did you wait long?” jongdae sits beside him so closely. “ahh. so cold.”

 

sehun contemplated whether he’ll gift the gift he’s been dying to give or not but felt like it’s not yet the time. “what’s with the box?”

 

jongdae smiled and pushed the box in front of sehun because he’s opening the food he brought. “well… i had this urge to reminisce with you.”

  
  


“why?”

 

jongdae hummed. it meant that he doesnt want to say the reason. sehun took the liberty to open his box. it was filled with the things he gave him for the past years. 

“you’re keeping all of these trashes”

 

“i dont think they’re trashes , please leave.” jongdae huffs and then he reached something from inside. “sehun ah. do you remember this?” he asked as he showed a pair of mittens.

 

the mittens was sehun’s first gift to him. it was for his birthday but he didnt saw him use it because it’s too small for his hands. 

“you really kept it.”

“how could i throw this? oh sehun is known to be cheap and you, buying me a gift is something to be proud of.”

 

before sehun could complain about being called cheap, jongdae took a look into the box again and smiled victoriously at sehun. “found it! give me your hands” he ordered and sehun finds it suspicious. he doesnt know what he’s up but then gave in because jongdae flashed him the most beautiful eyes. slowly, he wore a pair of mittens on his cold hands. 

 

it fits him so well. 

“why are you giving this to me?”

 

jongdae couldnt answer right away and it made him feel nervous. “why, jongdae.”

 

“apology gift?” jongdae sighed, looking away from sehun

“what did you do?”

 

“the university asked me to go earlier than expected. they think my credentials are brilliiant and… I -”

 

sehun could feel the lump in his throat and the sadness in his chest. he’s not ready for it. he probably wouldnt be ready for it. 

just then, he heard muffled sobs beside him 

 

jongdae’s having a hard time too. “i’m sorry.”

“you dont have to be sorry.” sehun tried to act tough. he’s not the only one who doesnt like the situation. “it’s a good opportunity for you to familiarize with your new environment, right?”

 

“thinking about it makes me cry.” jongdae sobbed onto his hands. normally, sehun would hug him right away but sehun got scared that if he hugged jongdae, he’ll beg him to stay. “i promised i’d watch you guys debut. i promised i’d fall in line to get yours signatures -”

 

“you promised a lot.” the taller offered his hanky to jongdae. “but that’s okay. we understand.  _ i understand.” _

 

sehun decides to remove the mitten on his right hand. “sehun, it’s cold. wear that.” 

“i know. but you know there’s a better way to warm our hands during cold times like this. wanna know?”

 

jongdae was always the curious one and when he nodded at sehun, it was a go signal for the taller to slid his hands onto his to hold it tightly, filling out the gaps between his fingers of his own. 

 

I slowly held her hands, filling out those tiny space between her fingers. Holding it tight. 

 

“what are you doing?” jongdae panics but sehun tightened his hold because he had no plans of letting go. 

“i wish i could always hold you like this -”

“do it with your girlfriend -”

“or boyfriend.” the taller grins. 

“whoever that is, i hope he takes care of you. since you’ll be debuting, you could get paired with beautiful people.”

 

_ but not as beautiful as you. _ sehun thought. 

 

“will you approve it, though?”

“there’s no reason i wouldnt,right?”

 

“there’s no way you’d disapprove the person i like.”

jongdae’s eyes widened with surprise. “you.. you have someone you like already? how come i didnt know??”

 

“because.” sehun grins.  _ it’s you.  _ “you’re dumb. that secret isnt for dumb people.”

“that’s mean.” jongdae pouts, giving a jab on sehun’s stomach. “but… at least… i know you’re happy with that person. i’m really happy.” 

  
  
  
  


***

_ sehun-ah! congratulations on your debut! you looked really cool with all these superpower concept! because of this, everytime it’s windy in cambridge, i would always think it’s you around. the robes? i really dont like it but you guys looked really good! _

_ i asked junmyeon hyung to get my albums signed for me so better give me some good encouraging words! _

 

_ if you’re reading this, i’m probably on my way to the airport. it can’t be helped that i have to leave this soon.  _

_ i really want to know the person you like but i guess i’ll just have to wait - however, i want you to know my heart. i’m sorry i kept it. i’m scared. _

_ i like you. i really do. it’s something more than the friendly love. i feel so selfish and ashamed. i have always liked you and believe me, i want nothing in return. that night, when you told me you like somebody else, i accepted that i can only be a friend to you.. and that’s totally fine.i just want you to know that whoever you like, i’ll approve of it. i want you happy. _

  
  


sehun felt cold upon reading jongdae’s letter but he knew he had to act upon it or else, he’ll lose jongdae. 

“i need to go, hyung.” sehun tells their manager. “i need to talk to someone..”

“what? right now? no, sehun. i can’t let you go. it’s your debut stage a little later and i can't let you.”

“please.” sehun pleaded, determined. “this won't take long, i promise. please… hyung.”

the manager can feel the urgency. “what is this all about.”

“my friend is leaving for america today and i have to catch up on him. please?”

 

the manager was scowling as he thinks hard. “be back by eight. and that’s sharp eight. not eight-o-one.”

 

sehun quickly took his jacket and went off. he dialed jongdae’s number just incase he’s still somewhere near. 

 

“ _ sehun -” _

“where are you?”

“ _ i’m  -” _

 

“i love you.” sehun said despite of his heart thumping so outrageously inside his chest. “this is not the way i want to confess but damn it - i love you.”

 

“ _ sehun - i dont think i could hear you.” _

there are distinct honks around jongdae “you’re at the bus stop.”

 

“ _ how did you know -” _

“stay where you are.”

_ “but why?” _

“just stay like a good puppy -” sehun kids and then hanged up. 

 

when sehun arrived at the bus stop, he sees jongdae sitting on the bench, his short legs couldnt even reach the ground.

 

he carefully walked towards jongdae who’s busily tapping on his phone. “when will the next bus arrive?” he asked.

“Around ten minutes I think.” the shorter answered innocently. 

“i love you.” sehun says it clearly and the next thing he knew, jongdae’s already in his arms. 

 

“i thought i didnt hear you correctly.” 

 

sehun buries his face on jongdae’s neck. familiarizing himself with his warmth, his scent. “i’m mad at you. you made me run like crazy!”

“but arent you crazy for me?” jongdae says conceitedlysince sehun was smiling at him stupidly. “you are, right?”

“i wouldnt be here if i’m not.” he laughs. “i love you.”

“do you know that i cried when i learned you like someone -”

“you always cry, you crybaby.”

jongdae pinched him hard on his side then bit his shoulder. “stop being mean.”

“you can't date anyone now in cambridge.” sehun warns him. “your boyfriend wouldnt like it.”

 

“boyfriend?!” jongdae pushes sehun away, face flustered madly. 

“why? don’t you want me as your boyfriend?”

“wouldnt it be hard to be in long distance relationship? are you okay with it?”

“i dont care about it - we’ll make it work.. so.. tell me… do you love me too?”

  
  


jongdae stood on his tippy toes and pulled sehun by the neck so they can kiss. a short and inexperienced kiss that made him feel thousand of things all at the same time.. “i love you..” 

“let’s practice on the kissing when you come back?” sehun teases, linking their lips again and jongdae could only melt on his spot. it’s a good thing that sehun was holding him by the waist carefully. “you have to open your mouth a little.” he mumbled against jongdae’s thin lips. 

“why do i feel that… boyfriend sehun is different to the sehun i have always known?” jongdae lips his hand to touch sehun’s lips lovingly. “i’ll miss you.”

“i’ll wait for you.” sehun assures him. “i dont think there will be a day that i wouldnt think of you…”

 

jongdae embraces him again. “it sucks.. to be away..”

“i know.. but… we need to separate ways to be the person we want to be, right? we’ll do something about it.. you do trust me when i say we can make it work, right?”

 

jongdae nods, after all, he had trusted sehun his heart. six years is not that long. 

  
  


***

 

seven years came in a blur and exo, the group sehun’s in made history in the music industry. sehun had grown a lot in physical aspect and he was actually coined as 2018’s best face by time magazine. he has been busy, acting gigs here and there but of course, he and jongdae still kept in touch. his fans knew he had someone special already and he’s lucky his fans are very accepting about it. 

  
  


“okay explain why you’re not answering my calls?” sehun sounded annoyed but he’s just actually playing with jongdae who has been mia for two days over the phone. he’s having his breakfast in his apartment because that day would be busy since everyone’s working hard for their repack comeback.

_ “i’m sorry. it’s really busy in uni - hey, i watched love shot though. you look nice.” _

“nice? i worked like a dog with chanyeol to achieve that body and all you can say is nice” he complained but jongdae just laughed at him. “ya, kim jongdae. how dare you laugh -”

 

“if i’ll tell you you’re so hot, you’ll ask me do this kinky videos again, so no!”

 

sehun couldnt deny that one and shrugs. their relationship grew deeper despite of the distance. there are times that sehun flies to cambridge just to meet with jongdae and be boyfriends even for days. it was fun, and exhilerating. 

 

_ “i miss you.”  _

“i miss you too, baby. should i visit you in cambridge?”

“ _ no.” _ he could imagine jongdae shaking his head. “ _ you stay there in korea. you’re busy.” _

_ “ _ a day or two wouldnt hurt -”

“ _ you will be the cause of death of your manager - no more sneaking out!” _

 

“but i want to see you.. and touch you.. and do things with you..” sehun retorts, sounding a little childish. he’s going crazy for not being able to see jongdae when he wants too. “should i ask you to marry me so you’d come home?”

_ “graduation is just around the corner -” _

“you said that last year but then you failed a subject and now you are extended to one year -”

“ _ i’ll come home soon, dont be a baby.” _

“i have all the right to be a baby -” sehun pouts. “i am  _ your  _ baby so -”

“ _ oh, sehun.”  _  jongdae sighs. “ _ i miss you, really but… we have to wait.. _ ”

  
  


there’s nothing they could do - “i love you. marry me?”

“ _ you’re so impossible! _ ” jongdae giggles. “ _ come back again if you’re going to ask me for marriage properly. i’m hanging up!! _ ”

  
  
  


***

 

Saturdays are supposed to spend in bed - not with an overly tall chanyeol who drags people just because he wanted coffee. As usual, Chanyeol would go for Americano.

sehun was frowning in front of chanyeol who’s enjoying his drink and cake. “you got kicked out by baekhyun again, aren’t you.”

 

“he’s on a bad mood - i couldnt understand pregnant people, really.”

“chanyeol, that’s your second pregnancy with him.”

“i know.” chanyeol sips aggressively “one time he loves to ride me, the next time he’s kicking me.”

 

sehun could only shake his head. chanyeol and baekhyun are really hard to understand but he guesses it’s their love language “buy him j.cos. donuts are his cravings right -”

“how do you know?”

“we follow each other on twitter dummy. he tweeted that awhile ago. anyway. this place seems new.”

 

“yeah, it is - and the owner might interest you, dude. he’s a sehun fan.”

 

”should i give him my sign?” sehun chuckles. “jongdae’s the only person that interests me.” 

 

“oh… chanyeol…”

 

sehun froze upon hearing that voice. he could see chanyeol smiling goofily at him. “look behind you, idiot.” he says.

 

and sehun did. 

 

there stands behind him was a guy, still short as he remembers him, carrying a box filled of sugar and flour, looking equally surprised at him. “sehun-ah - but… i told chanyeol to keep this a secret - ahh… why are you here???”

 

sehun could only think of one thing as he sprinted towards the guy to embrace him.

 

_ marry me, kim jongdae.  _

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> merry christmas sechenistas


End file.
